Why Do I Hold Grudges For So Long?

Is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die?

As Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Grudges do no good whatsoever and they benefit no one, neither in our business lives nor our personal lives..

Is it OK to hold a grudge?

Holding grudges can be just as damaging to the grudge-holder as the person who the grudge is being held against. Holding a grudge means that you are living with a feeling of anger almost constantly, even if it’s below the surface.

Do Narcissists hold grudges?

Someone with covert narcissism may hold grudges for a long time. When they believe someone’s treated them unfairly, they might feel furious but say nothing in the moment. Instead, they’re more likely to wait for an ideal opportunity to make the other person look bad or get revenge in some way.

Is forgiveness a weakness?

When we forgive others, we’re really giving ourselves space to acknowledge our flaws and accept them. Forgiveness is an act of strength, not weakness. When someone hurts us, it’s easy to stay angry with them; it means we don’t have to do the hard work of forgiving.

What drives a narcissist insane?

The thing that drives a narcissist crazy is the lack of control and the lack of a fight. The less you fight back, the less power you can give them over you, the better,” she says. And because they never think they’re wrong, they never apologize. About anything.

Why does a narcissist cry?

Sometimes they have a LOT of emotion about themselves but rarely do their emotions empathize with you or anyone else. They’re usually crying because it gets them attention and narcissistic supply in the form of sympathy or your benefit of the doubt or you doing things for them out of pity.

What are the four stages of forgiveness?

4 Steps to Forgiveness”To understand forgiveness, you must first understand what forgiveness is not,” psychiatrist Dr. Ned Hallowell says in his book Dare to Forgive. … Pain and Hurt. Dr. … Reliving and Reflecting. … Working It Out. … Renounce Your Anger and Resentment.

What personality type holds grudges?

INFJsPerhaps the most sensitive of all the personality types, INFJs take it hard when someone they trust lets them down. They tend to hold on to anger longer than they should and are capable of holding a grudge even when the other person has apologized, repeatedly, for their wrongdoing.

Is blocking immature?

If you are blocking someone over a minor disagreement and you don’t want to talk to them for two years then yes that is immature. If you block someone to be vindictive and spiteful then you are immature. However if the person in question harasses or treats you badly then it is ok to block.

What’s wrong with people who hold grudges?

When someone close to you has a grudge against you, it can make life miserable. And on the flip side, if you’re a person who is the grudge-holder, life can be even more miserable. Numerous studies and reports have shown that holding on to anger is bad for our emotional and physical health.

Is it bad to hold in anger?

Sometimes anger can be good for you, if it’s addressed quickly and expressed in a healthy way. In fact, anger may help some people think more rationally. However, unhealthy episodes of anger — when you hold it in for long periods of time, turn it inward, or explode in rage — can wreak havoc on your body.

How do you forgive and let go of anger?

How to Let Go and ForgiveCommit to letting go. You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. … Think about the pros and cons. What problems does this pain cause you? … Realize you have a choice. … Empathize. … Understand your responsibility. … Focus on the present. … Allow peace to enter your life. … Feel compassion.

How long can someone hold a grudge?

Many people hold grudges, deep ones, that can last a lifetime. Many are unable to let go of the anger they feel towards those who “wronged” them in the past, even though they may have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort to do so.

Is holding grudges immature?

Holding a grudge isn’t healthy for you, and will only create further resentment in your relationship. “Being emotionally immature in a relationship means that you can’t control your emotions or reactions towards your partner, often times lashing out and holding grudges,” Davis says.

Can you forgive someone and still not want to be around them?

Forgiving is living like Christ, is giving someone another chance, is showing His love and mercy, even when it’s undeserved. But that’s all you need to do. You don’t need to stay with someone who has destroyed you—God wouldn’t want that kind of life for you. So please do not think forgiveness means you must stay.

How do I stop myself from holding back?

If you’re holding yourself back, like I formerly did, this may help.Change your attitude to reflect what you want to become. … You know more than you think. … Let people in. … See obstacles as opportunities. … Do not allow defeat to win over triumph. … Embrace mistakes as teachers.

Can you forgive and still have resentment?

Forgiveness can take on many forms, but ultimately it means letting go of resentments. You might simply say aloud, after processing your feelings about the situation, that you are not going to hold a grudge.

Will a narcissist ever apologize?

Do not be fooled by a narcissist’s apology. You believe that maybe he means he’s sorry or that he won’t do whatever it was he did again. But, rest assured, the narcissist uses an apology as part of the “cycle of abuse.”